Insiders Travel Guide (aka – HELP! I Lost My Brain in The Airport’s Revolving Door!)

So I thought it might be helpful, if not amusing to read som travel tips from an insider. If nothing else it allows me to vent.

1. Check the uniform logo before starting to yell at the person.
I know it’s hard to believe but just because a person is wearing a uniform and working in the airport does not mean that they work for YOUR airline. In many cases they know the same, if not less information about your flight. I know, the polyester all looks the same. We’re behind a desk, and you’re mad. In fact, it makes you even more enraged that the person, who has nothing to do with your airline, has no idea if you’re going to make your connection or not.

Think of it this way – Getting mad at me not knowing all the details about the competition would be the equivalent to me storming into your office and demanding that you tell me what Suzy in cubical 12, three floors up is currently working on.

2. Check your itinerary
I’m serious. Before you ever step foot in the airport at least know who you are flying with and the time of your flight.

3. Security is not out to steal your shampoo
I can assure you that they don’t care. They are just doing their job. There are tons of websites regarding safety regulations. Take 10 minutes and read up so there are no surprises.

4. If you will die without it, carry it on
Things like medication should NEVER be in your checked baggage. This may come as a shock, but airlines do delay bags. Ironically, it’s always the bag you can’t live without. You’re allowed carry on for a reason. If you opt to check it, don’t yell at me.

5. Share suitcases
If there’s more than one person travelling, stick some clothes in each other’s bags. The chances of both bags being delayed is really small. This way you won’t be without a change of clothing.

6. There are only two people in the world who care about your current travel problem – don’t piss one of them off
Travelling can be stressful, I know that. It’s frustrating when a flight is delayed or cancelled. Yelling at the person behind the desk is not going to change that. If anything it’s just going to make them less willing to assist you. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. You do catch more flies than with vinegar.

7. We hate delays too
I’m serious. I would much rather be at home with friends and family than stuck at the airport waiting for your delayed flight. For each minute a flight is delayed it costs the airline tens of thousands of dollars. Delays are for YOUR safety.
Deicing is needed so the plane can cut through air properly
Minimal crew rest is needed so your crew can function in the event of an emergency
Weather can be dangerous (Air France flight in Toronto), if your captain can’t see – you really don’t want him to attempt landing.
Maintenance – seriously, I don’t care how important your meeting is. If their is a maintenance issue with a flight that is far more important. Be thankful we caught it so you can complain.

8. Read the name tag
I know when you were purchasing your suitcase you figured that you would be the only person on the plane with a black roller bag, but you aren’t. Everyone adds little pom poms and bows to make their bag stick out. It takes thirty seconds, read the name tag and make sure you have your bag.

9. You treat me bad – we all know the story
Jerk stories spread fast. Trust me, I will comment your file and anyone else will know what happened. If it’s my word against yours, chances are they will side with me.

10. A plane is different than the trunk of your car
So please, don’t try to check in a tree, vaccum or boat moter. There are things that can’t be checked in. Planes hit turbulance and bags are jostled about. If grandma’s priceless crystal denture mold is so valuable carry it on. Two words – Limited Liability. Airlines are only required by law to cover a certain amount for damage. The laws work on their behalf more than yours. When you purchase a ticket, you’ve already agreed to these terms and conditions.

11. Your suitcase is meant to protect the contents
I know, you kiss the bag goodnight. But it’s job is to keep the contents safe. Bags take a lot of abuse, they’re not supposed to look brand new forever. As long as the contents are fine, then that little scuff doesn’t matter.
Airlines do not cover for: straps, hinges, handles, straps, zippers, minor rips or tears, scuffs and anything that can be deemed as normal wear and tear.

It’s Sunglasses!!

I didn’t get home from work until 2:30 am – partly because the last flight was delayed and partly because an insane woman decided to freak out about a pair of sunglasses.

One of the problems with working in customer service is that you can’t say what you want when people are being ridiculous. Which is why blogs, or venting in general after the fact is so great.

Any one living in the 21st century seems to understand that there are heightened security measures when it comes to airline travel. However there are always those who seem to be above them. That the rules shouldn’t apply to them, because heaven forbid that they check in their designer tweezers and shampoo. On behalf of all airline employees, please be assured that I would much rather let you bring them on the plane if it meant not listening to you rant.

So apparently when she checked in she was told she needed to check her bag because it contained tweezers and scissors. So she made a stink about how she was afraid we would “loose” her bag.

Before I continue let me point this out, I have worked for an airline for three years. In that time I have seen ONE bag disappear off the face of the earth. Airlines seldom loose your luggage, but we can delay it. Trust me, there’s a big difference.

Back to my story. After putting up this argument, she then placed her sunglasses and some pens in a side pocket that closed with velcro. Surprise, surprise – when she arrived into my city they had fallen out. Bags go through a lot of machinery before they arrive at the plane. Sticking her $200 sunglasses in the side pocket was not wise. According to her the agent checking her in should have expressed their concerns to her so she could have put them inside the bag.

On a scale of one to ten, the safety of your sunglasses rates at about a zero. It is not my job to make sure you packed your bags properly so that nothing falls out. My job is to stick that destination tag onto the bag and send you to the gate. It is ridiculous to assume that I will visually and verbally inspect each of the thousands of bags I see in a day. You would be waiting in line forever and would probably complain about that too.

So I offered her a $20 future travel credit as some compensation. Legally I don’t have to give you anything as it was not our fault. She told me I was insulting her. I then told her that if she felt that they had been stolen that she could file a police report. After ranting and raving, cutting me off everytime I blinked she asked that I call the police.

Seriously, a police report over lost sunglasses.

Once that was finished she wanted to file a formal complaint against me and my airline. I gave her our customer care number and again offered her the future travel credit. She told me to not insult her, she was a lawyer.

It never ceases to amaze me how people like to throw their profession around like a badge. Congratulations, you made it through law school so that gives you the right to treat me like dirt? Apparently you skipped treating people decently 101. Perhaps if you treated me nicely I would have offered you a $50 future travel credit. No, you would not get money or new sunglasses. Listen to yourself, they are sunglasses.

So she left and I commented her reservation like mad. That’s right, my side of the story is always told. People don’t know that. They think that when they leave and call and act all nice that no one knows that they were a jerk earlier. Trust me, they know.

Before she left she told me it was poor customer service that she had to suggest that the groundhandlers search the aircraft for her sunglasses. Again, it is not my fault you spent $200 on sunglasses or that you put them in the “sunglasses” pocket – which is meant for when you’re walking down the street. Besides, they were on their way home, and I can guaratee you that when we asked them to look it would be a “sure!” followed by them continuing their drive home.

Honestly, they’re sunglasses and I’m rude. *rolls eyes* Next time I see you I’ll be sure to ask for your autograph as it is apparent that you are more important than I am.

So this is Christmas …

It’s hard to believe how quickly Christmas is approaching. It doesn’t quite feel like Christmas yet, but I suppose that’s because I haven’t had a moment to even think about it. I still have some shopping to do – yes, I do always leave it until the last possible moment.

Staff Christmas Party

If you know me you know that I am not a party girl. My idea of a fun night is watching movies with friends or curling up with a good book. Yet I allowed myself to be talked into attending this year. It started out amazing. A friend of a friend who works for MAC cosmetics did our makeup (I am still in shock over how amazing my eyes looked) and we had fun at the resturant where we all met for dinner. Afterwards we all went to a club. Clubs and I do not get along. I have nothing against people who go to clubs, they just aren’t for me. I think I view them differently. They always strike me as something that could belong on the Animal Network. Girls dressed to impress dancing with one another on the floor while guys circle them and try to get their attention. The whole thing seems absurd to me.

While some of my friends drank and danced, I hung out with some of my co-workers and chatted with them. One of my good friends, Eddie came over and we were having a great conversation about everything from George Bush to God when we heard a commotion behind us. We looked to see what was going on and Eddie ended up getting beer in his eye while I got some all over my arm. At the time we didn’t think much of it and just chalked it up drunken stupidity. We continued our conversation when all of a sudden I heard some girl screaming, “That’s her! That’s the B!$% that f’ing kicked my friend.” Stunned, I looked over my shoulder to see who she was talking about – afterall I had interacted with no one other than those I work with. Considering I was standing against a wall, and the only girl in that area there was no doubt that she was talking about me. Before I had even figured out what was going on ALL the guys I work with had circled me and were forcing her away from me. This girls equally drunk friend lunged over the guys and punched me in the forehead.

It took a good forty-five minutes for me to stop shaking. The two girls kept walking past me and my friends, glaring and muttering things. At one point Eddie looked at me and asked if I was OK, and I almost started crying. Not so much because of the drunken girls, but just because I was completely exhausted – mentally and physically. The day before I had been at the funeral for my great-uncle.

For the most part I laughed it all off – I laugh a lot. I just looked at Eddie and said, “See! I told you the freaks always find me.”