Whorescope

24 01 2007

I suppose you could call it payback. It’s either that or the fact that randomness seems to follow me wherever I go.

I had returned to the counter after working a gate and it was really quiet. So I started chatting with Andy. Somehow the conversation shifted to birthdays and how old people were. He started to tell me that his birthday was coming up and that he was trying to get rid of his shift so he could attend a concert. Then he nonchalantly glanced at me and asked when my birthday was.

“May.”

He rolled his eyes. “May what?”

“Seventh. Why?”

He grinned and looked at the paper. “Horoscope time.”

I’m not into the whole horoscope thing. I don’t want to know what “the stars” say is going to happen. My life is complicated enough without having some freaky predictions tossed into the mix.

Sabrina happened to be a Taurus too and was eagerly encouraging Andy to read it aloud. It was pretty blah. Same old stuff you usually find. No, the good horoscopes were hiding.

So he read everyone theirs, with great dramatic flourish. We were all laughing and defining what they meant. And then everyone started separate conversations. Andy and I continued chatting about how our parents have embarassed us, and how we will embarass our kids in return.

I honestly have the most random conversations with people. We talked about 80’s spandex biker shorts. Granted it was because his horoscope had mentioned something about being cool in the 80’s. Which led to me talking about the spandex shorts.

I know. I’m so cool.

And then Andy found what he had originally been looking for. The year long horoscope.

Mine was not simply a horoscope. No, mine was definitely a whorescope.

It said that I “know the difference between sex for money and sex” that to me “sex is like meat and potatoes.” And my idea of heaven is a “home cooked meal and a glass of wine.”

The freaking thing went on and on about me and my whoreish ways. My face was so red. Half way through it I looked at Andy and said, “You know you can stop anytime now.”

“No. This is too much fun.”

Apparently I have a quite the year ahead of me. o__O

When he was done Andy grinned at me. “Melinda, I had no idea.”

“You liked that didn’t you.”

He chuckled, marking the sex and love section with a star. “Wait until I tell everyone about this.”

“Oh joy. Like I don’t have enough freaks after me already.”

Payback sucks.

Yesterday I kept teasing him that he was in love with this girl we work with. She has about as much personality as celery. He told me that he would get me back. Stupid whorescope.

Why is mine skanky? His started with something about enjoying gadgets in the bedroom. Ew. That and his ankles turn him on.

There was something seriously wrong with this newspaper.


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3 responses

25 01 2007
Dee

Hahah, sounds like you had a very interesting day, Melinda. That is so weird. Yeah, I don’t believe in horoscopes either. Anyway, your entries never cease to amaze me or keep me entertained. Hahah, keep it coming, girl. ^_^

25 01 2007
mdl83

Haha. As long as I am not the only one laughing at my life.

I figure I have to laugh at myself … the rest of the world already is.

22 02 2007
Andrea

wow, I guess we are both whores then, cause I’m a taurus too!

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